You have decided on an amicable divorce. You and your ex want a divorce mediator to help design the agreement terms based on the unique needs of your family. This means you will decide the critical outcomes rather than a judge. A crucial decision moving forward is choosing the right divorce mediator.
Choosing your mediator is remarkably like choosing any professional to help you navigate any multi-faceted situation. The more you know what you are looking for, the better your match (and outcome) will be.
Mediator Interview Checklist
Professional Experience: Because mediators’ range in training and accumulated experience varies, well-crafted questions can uncover your mediator’s strengths.
Questions to ask:
- How many years have you practiced mediation?
- How many cases do you handle, on average, each year?
- What is the most common type of mediation you practice?
- What percentage of your business is mediation?
- What are common mediation pitfalls and how have you overcome them?
- Tell me about your complex negotiation experience.
Education and Affiliations: Although substantive legal knowledge is not always necessary, if it is in yours, be sure to find a mediator with appropriate education.
Questions to ask:
- What formal family law schooling and certifications do you have?
- What formal mediation/conflict resolution training and certifications do you have?
- What professional organizations are you affiliated with?
- What was the last training you attended? When? (Current trainings give you insight into a mediator’s commitment to ongoing education and improvement.)
Mediation Style: Understand your mediation style options:
Evaluative Mediation (aka Directive): – Your mediator’s role is to listen to both parties’ positions and evaluate the legal merits and predict the most likely outcome in court. This style is hard on relationships and may be suitable if there are no children and no reason or interest in having any future relationship with your spouse.
Facilitative Mediation: Your mediator controls the process but not the outcome. Rather than evaluating positions and making recommendations, your mediator facilitates discussions designed to guide spouses to reach mutually agreeable solutions. This style is easier on relationships and may be suitable for spouses who can be flexible and just may need some assistance in communicating respectfully and problem solving together to reach mutually agreeable outcomes.
Transformative Mediation: Your mediator guides you through ‘interest -based’ discussions focused on building clarity, understanding, and agreements based on the couple’s goals, fears, and aspirations. This style can be restorative of damaged relationships. Your mediator equips you with new tools to communicate and problem solve together so you can craft a family plan for the future where everybody’s goals and concerns are considered in crafting the outcomes.
Questions to ask:
- Ask yourself: What style most fits my desired outcome?
- Ask your mediator: Describe your mediation style[s].
Interpersonal and professional skills: Finding the right fit means something different to each family. During your consultation, pay close attention to verbal and non-verbal ques that show the mediator is neutral, fair, an excellent listener, organized, honest, and trustworthy. If it is important that your mediator is a specific gender, race, age, or religion, honor that need. Don’t be afraid to ask about how your mediator can handle your cultural or social needs.
Questions to ask:
- What experience do you have working with families like ours? (i.e., grey divorce, abusive relationships, special needs children, LBGTQ, Persian families, Jewish families, etc.)
- What do you consider the most important quality of a mediator to be?
Fee Structure & Timing: Make sure you understand mediation fees and payment options.
Questions to ask:
- How are fees charged? (i.e., fixed fee, hourly rate, up-front retainer)
- What do you estimate our case will cost?
- What forms of payment do you take?
- How long do you expect our process to take?
- What are common cost inflators?
Meeting Logistics: A mixture of online and in-person meetings has become far more common since 2020. Make sure your mediator offers meetings that meet your needs.
Questions to ask:
- How are meetings handled? (e.g., in-person, online, hybrid?)
- Where are in-person meetings held?
- How many meetings should we expect?
- How does your process look? Work?
Remember, your divorce mediator serves as your neutral professional charged with treating you both with equal fairness and respect. Prepare for and attend your consultation together. Choose your professional together.
Even though divorce may be inevitable, the outcome of the divorce doesn’t have to be harmful. Contact us for a free divorce education kit or case assessment consultation. We’re here when you need us!
