Why do so many people throw their personal values out the window when they separate and divorce? You know what I mean. As people choose to separate and divorce, as we get caught up in emotions and conflict, we say and do things that, in our everyday lives we’d never do or say. And this behavior is often condoned, counseled and/or supported by well-meaning family friends and, even, professionals.This reality became personal for me when, after a number of years as a litigator, I experienced my own divorce. I learned that divorce is not a legal process, but a life experience. As a life experience, I had to ask myself how I could square my own behavior with my values as a husband and father. Like many, I can’t say I was proud of everything I said and did.
It seemed apparent to me a big part of the problem was the court process pitted parents against each other as adversaries while placing the decisions regarding their most precious treasures of their hearts in the hands of lawyers, Judges and other professionals.
This experience launched me on a life and career changing journey: how to find, and offer my clients, a better process:
- a process in which they are supported and encouraged to work together, not against each other, to plan the family’s future while protecting their respective rights;
- a process which allows the family to fashion a financial plan that takes provides for everyone’s needs based upon their goals and priorities;
- a process which helped spouses address and manage their fears and emotions while still being able to choose to behave the way we would teach our children to behave – with respect and civility for each individual;
- a process that allowed them to remain a family throughout and after the divorce process;
- a process that supports and teaches co-parenting tools so they can better raise their children after transitioning to two households;
- a process that supports parents to set a living example for their children of the values they have already worked hard to instill in them – during the biggest crisis their family will likely ever face.
Here’s the good news. Collaborative Divorce is that process! I encourage you to go to my website familypeacemaker.com and/or www.cdsoc.com for more information. I have found Collaborative Divorce to be the process that allows me to align my career with my values. You will find it a process which supports tailoring your family’s experience to reflect your family’s values.